Look At It Through My Eyes.
How could you do this to me? I’ve done nothing but be a great friend to you. I fucked up once. Forgive me for being greedy. But the most hilarious part is, he stood by me while you went off and left me. I understand you went off to college. I’m all-systems-go for you about that. Yay. You’re doing something with your life. I’m so proud. But to go off and not even want to speak one word to me but to spend all your time and space with other people. Like I said. I get it. I get it all. I’ve had three weeks to think about it all. From my perspective. From your perspective. From his perspective. From every-fucking-one else’s view. But I can’t understand how the FUCK you call me your best friend and totally and completely leave without wanting to spend any quality time with me. Oh. I’m at the point where I’m saying no to everyone. BULLFUCKINGSHIT! You memorized his work hours so you can spend every last minute with him while you can. Forgive me for being greedy. I claimed you as my best friend, your supposed to be there for me. Espeically since I was going through a crisis. Not just a crisis. You’ve gone through enough crisises for the whole fucking world. But the one time I have a moment that I feel every seam of me is ripping apart you don’t drop whatever the fuck you’re doing to come give me a hug, pat my back, and tell me everything is going to be okay. ITS WHAT BEST FRIENDS DO! Do you need to find a How To Be A Best Friends For Dummies? It hurts doesn’t it? To feel pain? To feel like the one person you can count on has offically abandoned you? Yeah. Not only has this happened to me. But its happened to me twice. You know what makes you even more so of the bad guy? You know the whole story of the first time it happened. Its HIL-FUCKING-LARIOUS! that you turned out to be the one to repeat it. For weeks, I trashed talked you. I trashed talked you so bad. Everytime I saw a picture of you I wanted to fucking something up. You made me so mad that you didn’t listen to me when I said “You’re not balancing your remaining time”. If you were balancing your time CORRECTLY! We could have fucking avoided this. But it hurts so much that you didn’t want to see me. No “Anna, Peter” and Fucking Nessie wanted to spend time with you as well. I wasn’t important enough to you. You didn’t even ask to spend the night with me or me with you because you wanted to spend every waking moment you could with him. I don’t want to hate him like I hate Damien. Please! Don’t make me hate him. But I’m so tired of seeing him with you. LEARN TO FUCKING BALANCE! You understand me?! I get it. He makes you happy. He’s your “one”. He’s the one that makes your heart beat the hardest and the fastest and makes you feel all complete. I’m not a complete retard. I may be the stupidest person you know but I’m the best damn friend. Because I care. I care far more than alwot of people do. Because I can promise, when it comes down to it, I would be the one at the edge of a knife instead of her. I don’t know her and I don’t like her. How judgemental of me. Ha! First of all! ABOVE ALL THINGS! 1. She hurt one of my good friends. Badly. If anyone knows, its you. How badly it hurts to see someone you care oh so terribly about to move on and stab you in the back. You know… since I did it to you? HAHAHAHA! But lets face it… That was before she became apart of your life. It was one thing to be in his life. That’s him. Thats his game. Whatever happened between them, happened between them. There was nothing I could do about that. 2. She stole you from me. But I guess that was my fault that I actually allowed her to. I was talking to him and I got bitched at. You threatened to cut off our friendship. Wait… No… “You’re Losing Me” isn’t the same thing as that. Oops. You are speaking to the most retarded person on the face of this planet. FUCK NO! It would be one thing if I was dating him or fucking him. BUT I’M NOT! Ironic part is… I would still take it all like I did when you bitched at me. Because you meant so much to me and I didn’t want to jeopardize what little we had. I care for you more than you could ever care for me. Out of this whole fucking friendship, honestly, I’ve lied to you once. Of course, I’m far different then ALL other people. I don’t think keeping a secret is the same thing as lying. I never told you I wasn’t talking to him. EVER! I lied to you when I told you the blog was about Wallace. You know damn well who it was about. What a white lie. But a lie nonetheless. I’m sorry. It was for your own good. Or mine. Who cares now? I certainly don’t. How I feel is my own deal. It’s none of your’s. In fact you should full on support me. Because I’ve supported you in whatever you do. 100%. I question but I don’t stop you instead I push you in whatever direction you need a good shove in. Here’s something I haven’t told you. The first time I saw you after the argument, the night we went to see The Proposal, we were watching FUCKING Degrassi, and they kept saying shit like “You lied to me” and “How could you?” and I couldn’t help but to think of thats what I was doing to you. Like I did something wrong. I felt all stiff and awkward on the inside-out. I felt like bugs were crawling all over my skin and threatening to eat my alive. When I looked at you, you had been asleep for a near 2 or 3 episodes of Degrassi… I cried. I cried because I felt so bad for what I did to you. I felt so bad because I hurt you, betrayed you because… let me remind you… I was talking to him. I felt like leaving at 3 o’clock in the morning because I couldn’t stop hyperventilating and crying. I almost did too. If it didn’t require moving and waking you up I would have. Oh… btw… That’s all I don’t like her for. Funny huh? I love how I don’t like her because I’m excruciatingly jealous of her. She’s a “better friend” then me because she can pay for ya’ll to do stuff. Yeah. Okay. Whatever. I love you so much. I love you so much that I hurt so much. You made me feel so happy. I overlooked everything for you. I felt bad when you wanted me to feel bad. I love you. I do. God! Why? Why put in effort? Why try again if this could happen again? People change. I HATE IT! Ugh! I hate saying that, because you know why? Its true. Some people for good. Some people for bad. I’m going to try and give you a second chance… or… third… or fourth… whatever the hell number chance this is. But i promise this is the last time this is going to happen because I refuse to be hurt again. It hurts too much. It hurts far to much to quite literally stand in one spot and feel the shattered peices of a heart fall, destroyed by the acids of one’s stomach. I am going to give you a test. I won’t tell you what it is. If you read this whole thing you will know what to do. If you fail then you will fail. No more Womb because Womb would have sensed what to do. If you pass then I only hope this won’t happen again. To Error To Is Be Human.
I Love You With Everything I Can.
