Xxshadowraexx’s Weblog

Stupid Children.

August 19, 2011 at 3:10 pm (Uncategorized)

“So Are We Doing This Whole Benefits Thing Again?”
“I Guess We Are.”

I Have No Idea What I Am Doing.
The Day Has Come To Where They Were
Almost A Year Ago.
This Time Last Year, I Had Finally Givin Up On
Jack & Dante.
At The Same Time.
It Wasn’t Hard.
It Wasn’t Hard To Realize There Was Nothing Between
Them And I.
And Then This Juggernaut Came Charging Through My Life.
Knocking Out All Traces Of Stability.
Things Were Good.
Things Were Bad.
Things Were Pretty Fucked Up.
I Couldn’t Stand The Sight Of Him.
Made Me Just Want To Either Cry Or Kill Him.
I Can’t Imagine How Retarded I Look Because
I’m Giving Him Another Chance.
Like All Those People I Watch And They’re Just
Back And Forth And Back And Forth.
“They’re Dating…. AGAIN?!”
But We’re Not Dating.
We’re Keeping Things Subtle.
The Way I Like Them.
I Fear That We’re Growing An Attachment.
But I Won’t Let That Happen.
I’m Not Stupid Enough To Go Through That Again.
Not Til He Has His Life Together.
Not Til He Moves Mountains In His Life.
Granted, Proud Of Him, Now That He’s Kicked
Jolene Out Of His Life.
The Soul Sucking Parasite She Is.
And God Bless Her Soul When Her New Thing
Realizes She’s A Fucking Tumor,
When She Comes Running Back To Him,
Throats Will Be Slit.
Oh Fuck Yes, Throats Will Be Slit.
But, He Kicked Her Out Of His Life,
After Realizing And Accepting Everything
Everyone Has Told Him About Her.
She Doesn’t Deserve Him.
But Back To The Original…. Yeah…
I’m Proud That He’s Got His Car Running.
I’m Proud He Has A Backup Plan For The Job He Doesn’t Like.
I Am Extremely Happy That I Have My Friend Back.
But On Top Of The Constant Fear That I Will Break Again,
I Have Two Jobs.
When I’m Not Sleeping Or Driving, I’m Working.
I Don’t Have Time For A Relationship.
I Have To Make A Set Day Every Week To See
My Mom.
The Only Advantage That He Has To Seeing Me Often Is:
He Knows Where I Live.
And Where I Live Is: With His Best Friend.
Go See The Best Friend, Oh AND Rae. Tiz Cool.
The Fact That I Hate The Most Is That
It Won’t Take Much Convincing On His Part
For Me To Take Him Back.
I Lost Thirty-Someodd Pounds.
I Constantly Felt Like I Was Being Stabbed In The Chest.
I Was One Emotional Motherfucker.
And All Of That Is Just Physically.
Mentally I Felt… Typical Breakup.
Everyone Knows What It’s Like To Get Dumped,
No Need For Me To Unhash.
I Have Come To Accept That He Will Be
The First Of A Handful
That I Will Actually Love.
-Shudder-
Ugh, I’ve Said It. But Writing It… It Seems So… Strange.
But I’ve SAID It. Makes No Sense. Lol
I Had Gotten To The Point After Our Breakup
That I Could Date Others.
I Just Wasn’t Looking, Nor Did I Have Time For Others.
Summed Up:
Did I Make The Right Decision
Letting Him Back In My Bed?
I Don’t Know.
I’m Going To Try Not To Think About It Too Much.
[I Wrote A Blog About It, I'm Groovy Now. Lol]
I’m Not Going To Think About
How Much He Had Hurt Me,
How Much This Will Hurt If I Let Him Back Him,
Nor About
How In Step I Will Feel With Humanity Again,
How Nice It’ll Feel To Show Affection To Someone And Everyone.
I Am Not Thinking Anything Of This.
Just Two Best Friends Simply… Fucking.
=]